Dear reader,
How are you?
It’s easier than ever to recall memories from a specific date or event.
My phone, for example, reminded me that I was in Washington D.C. a year ago this week, covering a space and satellite industry conference that featured Elon Musk.
I remember discussing the trip with my team, debating whether I should go.
Earlier in the week, Twitter and Facebook, among others, had decided to allow certain teams to start working from home. Company leaders also canceled events and travel. They saw the threat of virus spreading and moved to help limit that spread while protecting employees.
The company I worked for at the time didn’t have a policy in place yet. My managers left it up to me.
Sensing I wouldn’t get a chance to be on the road for a while, I decided to make the trip.
Fiona, whose story I’m sharing tonight, had to weigh a similar decision this time last year.
As a flight attendant who traveled between North America and Asia, she saw first hand – early on – who was and wasn’t taking the coronavirus seriously. She then factored in her own tolerance for the risks of doing her job.
Read on to find out why she decided to ground herself before her airline did, and how life at home has changed her personal flight path. (Notably, that flight path may seem familiar from stories I’ve shared before: a mix of relief and trepidation at the time of job loss, a marked transition from acceptance into concern, a struggle with the effects of isolation, and a combination of difficult decisions about the future.)
Our conversation took place this week.
Thank you, Fiona, for sharing your story. And thank you, readers, as always for being here.
Take care of yourself and others, if you can,
Hope
Post #8: Fiona, from Toronto
I had been a flight attendant for more than 10 years.
When the airline sent us the official email in July, I wasn’t surprised.
We had all seen it coming. I had already decided to stop flying voluntarily – to take unpaid leave beginning in April – when things first started to get worse because I was afraid.
Which routes did you fly?
It was a mix: Shanghai, Beijing, Hong Kong, European flights, like Munich and Paris.
Was there a breakdown by race of who was wearing a mask on the flights?
Among passengers, Asians were the first batch who wore masks and gloves. It seemed like it was mostly Caucasians who did not believe in it. And it was a similar breakdown of attitudes among the flight attendants.
I once saw this Asian passenger come on board with a full-on hazmat suit. She didn’t ask for anything. She didn’t touch anything, she didn’t eat anything. She had her own bottle of water, she didn’t use the restroom. This was on a 12-hour flight between Toronto and Europe.
How many other flight attendants stopped flying voluntarily?
Quite a few of my peers who trained with me did.
But there was a lot of debate at work at first.
A lot of people didn’t believe it was that dangerous.
We would often have debates in-flight as we were working over whether we should be putting on a mask.
The people who did not wear a mask would ask us why we were wearing a mask. Isn’t it just a flu? It’s not that bad. Some people said we were instilling fear in the customers, that there’s no point.
Comments like that would get into heated debates, so that was stressful.
I also felt like the company was also not doing enough back then to take it seriously.
What was going through your mind as you mentally prepared to be laid off officially?
My feelings were complicated.
I actually wanted to take a break from flying because I had been flying for more than 10 years. Oh, finally, I can take a break, I thought.
Then, for the first three or four months, I felt OK. I didn’t feel as devastated as many of my peers.
But by the fifth or sixth month, I began getting concerned.
There are no signs of our industry picking up, I thought. That’s when it started to hit me.
Did you know what to do immediately after you were laid off?
Because I was already expecting it, I was busy trying to apply for and deal with unemployment insurance first.
For the first few months, the government had funding to subsidize airline workers, a special fund that paid us and we (flight attendants) were busy trying to figure it out.
It was time consuming just to get that straight. Every time we called the government, it took two hours of waiting to connect to someone.
The airline gave us the option to keep our health and dental insurance, but it didn’t give us clear instructions on anything else. They didn’t give us severance. They didn’t provide any extra pay.
When I started to receive government compensation, it was roughly half of what I used to make. I live with my parents. I pay for most of the bills in the house, and my car, so I can still get by with government subsidies, but I just don’t have as much in savings as I used to.
How much support have you been receiving from your union?
The union has been helping to fight for as many benefits and support as possible. But the whole industry is not doing well at all, so there’s not much concrete financial help that I’ve received.
The union hasn’t been taking fees. And I don’t think we were given a lot of resources as to what we could be doing during this time. It’s kind of just like you’re on your own. If you wanna go study you should go study.
I honestly have not quite heard from the airline.
What parts of your lifestyle changed?
I went from living a life where I was flying to different countries to a life where I was 100 percent at home.
Physically I got healthier because I wasn’t lacking sleep. I was eating properly, unlike when I was on the go. That part was good. But it was more my mental health.
Every day was just not knowing what to do. Should I wait? How long is this going to last?
After three to four months, I decided to do yoga teacher training. I really loved it but it was also an investment, so it was a lot of thinking: Can I afford this? Is it worth it? Am I going to make the money after?
I talked to my friends and they would say, “Don’t think too much about the money. Do something you’re passionate about, and the money will come back to you.”
But it did concern me because I wondered if I should save this money in case I’m laid off longer than I expect.
Did you seek help?
No, not particularly after COVID. I was dealing with depression and anxiety issues so I’d already talked to my family doctor about that.
He had put me on medication and I started to get better, but then COVID happened, and then it got worse.
I have not told my family about this, because to Asian parents, it just means you’re weak. They don’t believe in mental health issues.
I’m always with them at home, so that part was tough.
How do you feel right now?
I’m getting more and more concerned about what’s going to happen next.
I’m thinking of finding other options. I’m thinking of going back to school. Hopefully I’ll be able to have a second option as a career even if I do get called back to the airline.
It’s still really uncertain, the industry. One day the COVID numbers are going down and I think maybe they’ll call us back. Then one day the numbers are going back up – and I think to myself, I need to find something else to do.
Being laid off has made me realize that life will surprise you. It changed my perspective and I want to find something else I can fall back on.
What is your day-to-day like right now?
I just graduated from yoga teacher training. I’ve also been job hunting once every two weeks.
Sometimes I feel discouraged. Some jobs require a lot of years of experience. I’ve worked in the same industry for ten years. I don’t have the experience of doing something else.
To be honest, I have pressure from society too, where I’m 31 and I have no other experience other than the airline. It’s kind of discouraging and seeing the job posts. Five years experience, minimum three years of experience.
Do you even try to apply?
Sometimes, but generally no. I know I should, but I haven’t been.
How much income are you making from teaching yoga?
It’s tough because other people are also struggling in terms of finances, so for them to spend money on yoga when there are yoga classes on YouTube for free… People are not that eager to pay for practice.
I’m doing this on a donation basis. I’m not making quite enough to sustain myself.
What about the future worries you most?
Finances.
I did have plans to buy my own place. I was making a decent amount of money with 10 years seniority. I was hoping to get a mortgage … Just the fear of having to start over again at 31.
I’m also worried about my emotional stability. I don’t have a social life now. I don’t know how long I can stay at home.
How have you been taking care of yourself, staying positive?
I have been doing a lot of yoga, a lot of working out, trying to stay healthy, meditating, and talking to positive people – exposing myself to more positive things.
I feel it’s important for us to take care of each other, mentally, to have that connection, even if we don’t feel like talking to people.
I go down that spiral by myself otherwise. So being on Clubhouse, talking to people on text – it doesn’t have to be on a Zoom call. I don’t mind just typing. Messaging on WhatsApp.
I’m at a point where I have to push myself to message friends, message people so I can keep my social skills.
What will you do after this?
Ideally I would go back to flying and back to school and teach yoga on the side.
What would you like in your every day?
I really hope the weather could get warmer sooner, so that maybe I can teach yoga outdoors, go for jog at least, for a hike.
Seeing things reopen gives me hope that the airlines may get back to work soon.
— Fiona, from Toronto on March 8, 2021 3 pm ET